Monday was my husband's birthday. In honor of this, a list of the ten traits that make a good thirty-something man. These aren't necessarily things I thought I wanted when we married, but what I now can't live without.
1. He has an amazing sense of humor.
It’s more than making me laugh. Laughing together is important. But it’s what he laughs at now that matters. Most importantly, he laughs at himself.
2. He makes room for grace.
He understands the big picture. Not everything has to be fixed right now. Not everything is an emergency. He lets people figure stuff out on their own - even if that means it's messy in the short term.
3. He never gives up.
It’s greater than just doesn’t quit. Doesn't quit means doesn’t divorce, always has a job, loves his family. Never gives up means working for a great marriage, working the dream job, and loving himself to better love his family.
4. He’s good in bed.
A man who is good in bed lets down his walls and lets his wife in. He lets her fully know him. (Google top things couples fight about and sex and money are on every list. We never fight about money. One day I’ll share more about this, and the years it took to get here.)
5. He’s okay with not being Superman, Twilight's Edward, or even Han Solo.
This man can ask for help and isn't ashamed to get it from professionals if it’s needed. He doesn’t try to live up to a pop-culture idea of a great man.
6. He doesn’t settle.
This is similar to never giving up, but has more to do with aging gracefully. Getting older doesn't mean he stops dreaming. It only means his dreams are more focused and refined.
7. He believes in his wife.
He sees her, supports her, and finds her dreams just as important to chase, if not more than his own. She’s his equal in every way. He’s never threatened by her successes, or her failures. He’s an even greater feminist than she is and will raise his boys to respect, value and cherish women. He will raise his girls to respect, value, and cherish themselves.
8. He loves his wife how she needs to be loved.
He shows his love not in the way that’s easiest for him, but how his wife feels it the most. Careful to refill the love tank as soon as possible when it nears empty.
9. He Gives. Gives. Gives.
He never bats an eye to handing over money to those who need it. Even if there’s a comma in the amount. Even when he’d rather go shopping, take a trip, or buy a house. He doesn’t argue when his wife says we should give to this, or give to that. He just gives.
10. He answers to something greater than himself.
This is by far the single most important trait on the list. All others rely on this one. A great man isn’t great to his wife because she wants him to be. He’s great to his wife because he chooses to be.