I’m feeling a little righteous anger for all the girls out there with not enough clothes on.
It started with a blog. Funny, how I never paid too much attention to blogs, until I started blogging, but one I read Wednesday morning really got to me. It was posted by a mother of a few boys, possibly in their early teens. She explained how all her boys’ friends on social media instantly become her friends as well. She said she enjoys seeing all the pictures their female friends post, but then she started ranting about a selfie - that pic those youngins seem to love posting of themselves.
Apparently a girl posted she was about to go to bed. The mother didn’t mind that, but then said she had huge problems with the fact the girl wasn’t wearing a bra and decided to arch her back into a sexy pose and plaster on her best pouty face. The mom announced over all the internet that she is now blocking “those girls” because she wants to raise her boys into honorable men, and doesn’t want them seeing their classmates in something that will make them think of the girls sexually. She then lectures “the girls” on how they shouldn’t want this either.
I ask though, since when does shaming people for anything they do help them make better choices? Much less shaming them publicly? Because trust me, just because you use the plural “girls” as if you’re talking about several, and you never mention any names...That Girl...She knows who you’re talking about. That underage, impressionable, in need of guidance teenage daughter of someone you probably know, is well aware of the pajama pic she posted.
Here’s where my own righteous rant comes in. This girl (and all the other ones like her) is only doing what she thinks she must to get a boy’s attention. Despite what she’s told (hopefully by her parents and teachers) about her value being based on her brain, in her world - that looks like a lie.
Every single tween TV show out there focuses on one major plotline - the girl getting the guy. Yes, those girls are now smart and strong and funny and not just hot bodies, (albeit they all still have the hot bodies) but they’re happiest when he says “I love you”. Not when the teacher hands them an A, or when they save the world from bloodsucking vampires.
Girls still feel the most important when a boy takes notice.
And maybe this girl in her pajamas just wanted to be seen and feel valued. And maybe as a mother of boys, you shouldn’t shame her, but teach your boys about all the insecurities - and possibly a good bit of daddy issues - girls like her face. Teach your boys that when a girl acts out sexually, she’s not suddenly tarnished and tainted and not good enough for your sons - but that there may be something going on inside that they can’t see. That even if she hasn’t earned respect, they should give it anyway. That maybe instead of feeling just lust for the girl, they’re taught to feel a little sad for her too. Maybe for once instead of blaming all the lust problems on women and expecting girls to add more clothes until they’re in a full burka, you teach your boys to recognize a wounded soul when they see one. Recognize a girl that just doesn’t know any better. That instead of blocking them, your boy goes up to that girl in school and says he loves seeing her posts, but she’s better than that pajama pic.
Because I’m sick and tired of girls being told how hard it is for boys and men to control their lust. But they NEVER explain to boys how hard it is for a girl not to act out sexually before her time. Girls are taught to fend boys off. Can we please start teaching our boys to not manipulate our girls while we’re at it????
You may be able to block that girl today, but those sons will run into plenty more like her in their life that you can’t block. Isn’t showing him how to be kind to the half-naked girls also honorable?
Hollywood may teach us a lot of bad things for girls, but here’s one thing I’ve learned. It’s a quote from Bradly Cooper’s character in Silver Linings Playbook when he’s talking to a man who hangs around Jennifer Lawrence’s character - just because she’s easy:
“Look, sometimes it’s OK with girls like this, they wanna have fun, and sometimes it’s not because they've got a broken wing and they’re hurt and they’re an easy target. In this case, this particular case, I think that wing is being fixed, my friend, and you gotta make sure that it’s mended and you’re getting in the way of that right now, okay, because she’s sensitive and she’s smart, she’s artistic. This is a great girl, you gotta be respectful to that.”